Different Worlds

 I'm in this constant war between who I want to be in this world and who this world wants me to be. I didn't design the structure of it. I didn't define ITs enemies. But it is daily trying to define MY enemies. I want to be limitless. But it is daily trying to set my limits. I want to be free. But it is constantly trying to tell me that freedom is nothing but a mirage. It's constantly telling itself that anybody who desires freedom just wants to live a licentious life. To the force that I am trying to be, it is a resistance. I must muster up the energy to rise above it.

    It's funny after all the philosophy and everything, somehow, we still find ourselves coming up short. It's like no matter how hard we try to master the beasts ahead of us, there's always a stronger one in our midst. Nietzsche once said that when you want to fight monsters, don't become a monster yourself. I used to think the monsters were merely all in my head after deconstruction from Christianity. I thought the monsters were merely projections of my psychology based on beasts of my yesteryears. Christianity speaks of "He who is in the world" but it is so ruthlessly nihilistic that it doesn't even try to fight it - at least not in the right "Light". It's rather ironic that Christianity doesn't realize its own potential to BE the Beast that is in the world. How do you conquer something so rooted in the past - like a Tree that just won't burn down?

    Now, don't get me wrong. Religion helps us connect to some time deep within the bones of our ancestors. But when we let it hinder our progress, how do we intend to ever read the subtle warnings which those passages of long ago are actually trying to express? Well, honestly the first step is to remember our ancestors that CAN'T speak - let alone write. Right here in front of me is this ornery cat who, every once in a while, is testing my patience by walking over my keyboard while I'm working.  How can I regress by being mad at her? I have to find a way to work around it. For instance, I put a dictionary under my computer so I could better see my screen. I don't want to be the monster. I've tried diligently to teach her that it's okay to sit in my lap. She was a stray and she was hesitant at first; but now she is always giving me the cuddles that I need in order to feel the warmth of love that I can offer her, as well.

    Anger is my worst enemy. People who weren't the butt of the jokes or who constantly treated me like my voice was not worthy to be attended to by their regal ears somehow found this way of dismissing my frustrations as, "Oh, you are just angry!" And yea! That shit makes a person fucking angry! But, why do we allow ourselves to believe there are only a few emotions to paint the world with? Watch out for anybody who thinks that anger, happy, and sad are all that there is and don't bother to see the "thing" beneath the thing. They'll bomb the shit out of you and then try to make you believe it was your fault! Or say, "Wait! Why are you complaining?" as if they know all you've been through! If you can't seem to figure out why a person is in such desperation that expresses itself as anger, then maybe - just maybe - you could be a part of the mindless machine. Who do you want to be in this world? The Beast's buddy? So, yeah, one grows extremely angry at all the dismissiveness. It's like no matter how much you try to find a way to make the people see, they just want to hang around content in their comfortable beliefs.

    But life is fucking messy. It really is. Nobody said it had to be comfortable. In fact, if you ARE comfortable, I'm happy for you. I really am. But, you've got to stop acting like those who aren't just merely did it to themselves. Or, at least, maybe have a little of that grace you were taught so much about in Sunday School? But that's beside the point. When we are a little uncomfortable (you know, not when we are in dire need of the essentials critical for our very existence); when we are a little uncomfortable, we have the potential to work around that discomfort. If we are always taking things head on, that's when we risk burn out. But when we stop and analyze, we discover that we can rise above this situation that is presenting itself to us. In essence, overcoming these obstacles makes us wiser. And who doesn't want to be wise?

    So many people consider themselves wise who are actually extremely foolish. I used to think that wisdom was about having all the answers. But, I had a professor in college who made it clear that that was just the definition of knowledge. Then, I thought wisdom was the gaining of experiences but in the end that is mere empiricism - which leans towards gained knowledge. So what is wisdom? The ability to move or not move. The ability to be or not be. In ANY occasion! The ability to listen more and speak less. The ability to connect with the world rather than simply search it out for all these answers only for the purpose of regurgitating our discoveries to people who just don't see what we have seen - or at least not yet. You can have all these answers and still be SO FUCKING BLIND.

    The Beast - what it is really is - is ignorance. And ignorance of what? Ourselves. I should use the word foolish (as it is the opposite of wisdom) but that's simply not enough. We have made ignorance the antonym of knowledge but I'm using it here as the antonym of wisdom. Just think for a second. I hold a candle. You can barely see it from not too far away. But with multitudes and multitudes and multitudes of people holding their candle, you just might be able to see the lights shining from above the earth. My point is that if one person is unaware of who they REALLY are, that's one thing. But what if the whole World is filled with people who are unaware! 

    Religion, in its incipient stages, was (in a way) designed consciously and subconsciously to teach people to SEE themselves. But once it is appropriated by the State which only cares - which only really can care - about itself; once it is appropriated by the State, suddenly the Religion assists the longevity of the State rather than the Self. After deconstruction, this is something I had to wrestle with. To say that Religion is simply evil, is to negate the goodness that it really can offer if one just looks at it through the correct prism. And even the State itself isn't necessarily evil, per se. The State is a conglomerate of people who, so it seems, seem to think they have the world figured out better than any of the rest of us. But what's so often forgotten is that WE are all affiliates of the State in which we reside. They may be the head. But, couldn't we be the oxygen? The cells flowing to and fro. What I'm saying is that in order to get the head straight, we need a mass movement that remembers how to listen to the fucking Heart!

    That's what Religion is supposed to do! But, when one comes in contact with other Religions, why shun them? Why not discover the similarities? Anybody who tells you that the Religion over there is Evil is keeping you from your brothers and sisters and siblings that are just trying to survive in their own way in their own state. Imagine if we excised the bitterness we hold because the Head wants so strongly to convince us of something that rubs so vigorously against the flow of the Will of the Heart. If we keep an open mind and an open heart, suddenly the world isn't exactly all we thought it was. To some that may be terrifying but rising is how we overcome our everyday obstacles.

    That is - in order to face the Beast, we can't fight the way that the Beast fights. No. Rather, we have to fight by strengthening our minds. We have to let go of things from the past except for the remembrance of the warnings of those who have gone before. Much like crows who know who or what to watch out for after their special ceremony (or whatever it is) after one of their brethren has fallen. Our ancestors left messages all throughout history! All throughout it! Not simply to say they existed (which I for one am so glad that they ever did) but to warn us about the Beast that is constantly evolving. And more than that - to remind us that when we COME TOGETHER (regardless of our backgrounds or whatever the Head tells us) we have an opportunity to rise up and meet every occasion with both Strength and Dignity.

    Stop saying Allah is the wrong god. Or, that Buddha is simply demonic. You cut yourself short when you don't see the good in even a tornado. If you want to know what real evil looks like, look in the mirror and you can easily sort it out. But of course it takes time. It always does. But Time, ultimately, is an illusion. There is a great Buddhist proverb - it may be Daoist - that I probably have mentioned time and time before but I still can't stop saying it: "The journey of a million miles begins with one step." If anybody tells you that THEY are evil (and I mean, THEY, like THEM) or that your emotions are evil, well my friend you had better run for the hills. Because all THOSE characters want - all they want - is to possess your mind. That's real possession! It's not some demonic ghost or demon. It's those leaders who seem so dignified and bonafide - they're such magnets for attentions and they somehow discredit the existential reality of Being. If you have been paying your tithes to these types, here is my warning: They have you hooked and they really have nothing of value for you. 

    It wasn't until I watched the movie Passion of the Christ when I heard "love your enemies". No pastor or Sunday School teacher ever made that salient! No. Rather, I was always told who my enemies were. By the Media. By the Church. You know what... I think even School probably had its fair share of telling me who my enemies were or who I should at least be fearful of. But, I've worked throughout all that fear. I've taken the reverse engineering mindset to all these things. Pastors. Media. Church. School. State...and then of course my ostensible "enemies"...and inevitably...myself.

    That's the meaning of NOSCE TE IPSUM. Know thyself. That's the fucking key! To EVERYTHING! We can sit here and be lectured hoping to regurgitate something of value. And, don't get me wrong - Lectures are wonderful. I love them. But they rarely assist with working on the INNER SELF. That's why it's so profound when somebody who has spent their entire life working on their INNER SELF - when they just seem to have a touch of Nature that the rest of us are trying so hard to discover. But the irony of it all is that that Nature is right there! In all of us! We just have to reach up and grab it.

    Do you want to conquer both the beast within and the Beast without? I know I do. And, I hope I'm not alone. The major tenet of Buddhism is the will to reduce suffering for ALL. And, I think even Christianity was supposed to be that way. But, adherents get so caught up in the practice that they don't see the subtle substance lurking there waiting - just waiting - to be realized. It all comes down to this. Love your NEIGHBOR as YOURSELF. Why does it have to be so hard? Because the State is constantly telling us who is our neighbor and who is not. But, come on. When was the last time You got to know the whole block?